No way out, but through

“No way out, but through.” -Julia Roberts


I have made some horrible choices these days. I have not been able to see straight let alone have time to breathe on my own. I have misjudged a few people and have accepted many others that were poison into my life. I learned that nothing can be left to be fix on its own. We must speak and let it out. I need to vent. If I feel something, I must express it. If I don’t like something, I must say it. If someone is doing me wrong, I must stop it. I must speak up because no one else will. I can't keep things inside for long or else I explode. But as I always keep in mind, no one needs to know it all. I keep many, many secrets. 

I hate feeling out of control. When I am in control, I am at my best. But then there's something to say about letting go. Control is one thing but going with the flow usually is my style. I don’t like to be in control of every situation, sometimes it is better when things happen naturally and aren’t forced. But when I am out of my comfort zone, I am agitated and sometimes I get angry. I don’t understand the feeling of escaping. Escaping is a famous act of people who can’t handle the here and now. I know this is a very stupid and sometimes cowardly move, I believe. It can also be a healthy move. For example, I am heading home for the holidays. I have always wanted to be that person coming out of baggage claim, run into my parents and loved ones arms like you see in the movies. I always long for the comfort of family. Living on a different continent, in a different country from everything normal and comfortable sometimes can draw a bit of difficulty.

I want to escape every now and again. Just because I want clear my head and also clear my slate of things unwanted. This is where a vehicle of some kind would come in handy. I am ever so grateful of the people and opportunities that have come my way this past year. Some people have taught me to be stronger, some have taught me to accept and move on. Others moreover have taught me to let go and leave them behind. 
Guess who?

I go back to the river sequence I once expressed before that my dear friend Pasquale had told me. I cannot be only strong or only weak at any given moment of my life. I swing back and forth and move with the current of the river. I do in fact flow. I don’t stop if I don’t like a situation, I just move in a different direction. If there is a barrier blocking my way, I find a small hole to squeeze through and I float merrily along the path of the river. I never ask questions, unless absolutely necessary. I find the smoothest path if possible. But not always. The more surprises, the better, I believe.


Eccomi! (here I am)

I return to my want to escape. Florence is where I want to be for sure, but like every city, once and a while we must escape. Find some clarity outside of work and relationships. Learn how much we have learned from this period and go forth with the idea that things will get better and it can’t get any worse.

My focus in the last few months has meant to be on me. But obviously I have lost my way somewhere down the lane. I know I am the one who must love, care, tend to MY needs. No one else can assist me with that. I need to keep in mind that friends are present for a reason. When I can call on them, I shouldn't feel bad when I vent to them. I wish I didn't have such a hatred of expressing myself. Not so much a hatred, but a difficulty to express myself in a way that others can understand. But perhaps those are the things I mustn't tell anyone.

I am glad I'm able to carry on on my own. I am independent and able to handle many things on my own. If I recount all the things I have accomplished in this foreign land. Where things usually don't go as smoothly, I seemed to have accomplished all the important things. 

As the quote says above, No way out but through, I truly love this. I can't get through a tough time by escaping, I must push through it. I must push through the things that make me sad, angry, stressed. I must feel these things in order to move on and reorganize my life and my well-being. If I neglected these emotions, I wouldn't be human. As much as it is hard to feel these things out loud, we must live these moments of sadness, heartbreak, love, depression, disappointment, anger and happiness. People who can't do this, never really feel anything, I believe. Why hide these emotions? Why join the party of 'Misery' if you are truly happy? Why hide the fact that you are grateful for these heartfelt moments? Ask yourself these questions. If you do anything like hiding how you feel, try to shift your thinking a bit, I recommend. Remember you only live once.

This upcoming new year will bring me even more successes and more loves, passions and goals to be reached. I am grateful. I can't wait to see what surprises are around the corner for me. 



Surprise me Universe! I'm never in the mood to guess.

Posted by katerinafiore at 11 Dec 2010
Categories: perseverance, passion
Tags: ME
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