It is still my dream
"I want to preface this post by saying, I am NOT complaining, I am VENTING and I know how life in Italy is and please don't comment and tell me things I already know. "
These weeks have been incrediblyhard Challenging for me. If you missed my post a couple weeks, I have 4 jobs currently. I have been paid by one in Euro and the other in Dollars. My life here has changed dramatically in the sense that, I am NOT having fun and NOT enjoying myself here. Close friends have been saying, "the first 3 months are hard, the first year is hard, etc" which I totally agree. It has been more Challenging. I try to keep positive on this blog, with my friends but since the last time I wrote a post on here positive, I have been negative and down with where my life is going. At one point, I was so sure I needed to go back home to Chicago. Since whenever I am scared or unsure of the future, I find solace and calm in going home. Escaping doesn't always do the trick. Because my issues and worries will always be there. Then I get angry with myself, "how could you give up on this dream you have held onto for 8 years". There is definitely an argument going on inside myself every day. Where would I go now if I don't belong in Florence? And I don't think I belong in Chicago? I couldn't believe that all this time, all these years that I am NOW understanding how it is to be COMPLETELY on my own. No Italian husband paying the bills, no in-laws inviting me to lunch on Sunday, no boyfriend willing to cook for me every so often. Friends are there of course but how long am I going to be out of money that I can't even enjoy a beer or a cocktail with a friend, and I am able to pay for us. I know my friends aren't trying to be rude and insult me by asking me out and paying for me, but my pride screams inside. How and when will I be able to pay for a round of beers or cocktails or EVEN dinner? I am not a moocher and I hate hearing the voice in my head telling me that I am. One of the flaws of being stubborn, thanks Dad!
Now I have been persistent all my life when it comes to getting what I want. I have been around to the language schools here, they are not hiring since there are no students. Troubled times, makes Katie a crazy person. I am in love with Florence still, but it ishard Challenging to enjoy it when all the money I have is for the train, groceries and rent. Which mentioned here, I only go shopping every 3 weeks if that.
I am grateful that my parents are there to help me with money and again that causes my skin to crawl and starts an argument inside myself again. I am 28 years old and I am still not successful in life. Others might tell me different, 'money doesn't make you successful, it is the life experiences you have'. But really how am I going to really move forward in my life when my parents, who should be kicking my ass out of the house more often than not, always bail me out. Again I am not saying I wish they weren't because without them I wouldn't be sitting in Italy right now. They are my biggest fans that as they are reading this probably wish I had a big book deal or already purchased a villa outside of Florence.
I do have love and will power to stay for at least a year to see where I am at. But all you expats out there that are telling me I need try harder or be more aggressive, know that having 4 jobs and no money is Challenging for me to focus at this moment. I do have some prospects in works(as I always do). There are only so many hours in the day.
I want to give a shout out to all my blogging friends who are in Italy and are COMPLETELY on their own. Tina from Tina Tangos, Arlene from nyc/caribbean ragazza. Now for all of you expats that are married, dating and/or living with Italians, know that I am not putting you down or criticizing your lives. I am just speaking on opinion on how I see it. I want you all to remember back when you were single and living in Italy or the States on your own, us single folks are struggling just as you once did. The whole world is struggling.
I do hope my blog is still positive for most of you folks out there, I appreciate that when I hear it. Once and awhile, I need to vent. I hope 2010 brings me more and more prosperity. Because I have been wanting it for years, Come on Universe!!!
ME confident, everything will be ok! Andra' tutto bene!! EVVIVA!!!
a presto amici!
These weeks have been incredibly
Now I have been persistent all my life when it comes to getting what I want. I have been around to the language schools here, they are not hiring since there are no students. Troubled times, makes Katie a crazy person. I am in love with Florence still, but it is
I am grateful that my parents are there to help me with money and again that causes my skin to crawl and starts an argument inside myself again. I am 28 years old and I am still not successful in life. Others might tell me different, 'money doesn't make you successful, it is the life experiences you have'. But really how am I going to really move forward in my life when my parents, who should be kicking my ass out of the house more often than not, always bail me out. Again I am not saying I wish they weren't because without them I wouldn't be sitting in Italy right now. They are my biggest fans that as they are reading this probably wish I had a big book deal or already purchased a villa outside of Florence.
I do have love and will power to stay for at least a year to see where I am at. But all you expats out there that are telling me I need try harder or be more aggressive, know that having 4 jobs and no money is Challenging for me to focus at this moment. I do have some prospects in works(as I always do). There are only so many hours in the day.
I want to give a shout out to all my blogging friends who are in Italy and are COMPLETELY on their own. Tina from Tina Tangos, Arlene from nyc/caribbean ragazza. Now for all of you expats that are married, dating and/or living with Italians, know that I am not putting you down or criticizing your lives. I am just speaking on opinion on how I see it. I want you all to remember back when you were single and living in Italy or the States on your own, us single folks are struggling just as you once did. The whole world is struggling.
I do hope my blog is still positive for most of you folks out there, I appreciate that when I hear it.
Once and awhile, I need to vent. I hope 2010 brings me more and more prosperity. Because I have been wanting it for years, Come on Universe!!!ME confident, everything will be ok! Andra' tutto bene!! EVVIVA!!!
a presto amici!
Thanks for the shout out!
Hey, a year from now we'll share a big Fiorentina steak and a bottle of Chianti in Florence and look back on these days with laughter and relief.
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Yeah I hope so Tina! Thanks!
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Oh Katerina, I do hope it will get better soon. And trust me, even married folks don't have it easy. I'm the only one who works and I support my husband (even though we are in HIS home country, he can't get a job!) and it's hard. Awfully hard. If I had a place to run to and/or parents to support me, I'd probably be at their house by now. LOL!
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Anna, I know there are expat women out there who are supporting their families. I like people like you!
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I second Anna's comment re: managing family/being the breadwinner hard, too, but I do remember what it felt like to be single and alone here. It is not easy. It is very easy to think about going back home.
Keep your head up. Keep the friendships alive by inviting people over for aperitivo/tea/dinner at yours - cook cheaply and simply (under $10 in 2 is very possible!) or just tea, cookies & a chat.
Look at your commitments, and perhaps it's time to drop one of them, so you can have more time to look for a better-paying opportunity.
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Sara, thanks for your words. I will try to keep my friendships alive.
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Katie, even though I'm not an expat, I did move 2 hours from my parents and all my friends just over a year ago, so I totally sympathize. Even with a steady job, there have been months where I'm counting my change just to buy groceries and borrowing money from my parents when a major repair has to be made that I didn't plan on. And those months are HARD and depressing. But as they say, this too shall pass - you'll get through this, and as Tina said, be looking back and laughing. Just know that you're not alone, and I think it's totally normal to be frustrated and defeated when all of your money goes to living expenses and not living. But I know you'll get there!!
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I use that saying a lot, This too shall pass...Thanks for your kind words!
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Well Katie, I was here for a year and a half entirely on my own with barely an income as I built a freelance career from scratch (which was never a sure thing), no friends, and living in the middle of nowhere to boot, so I do know where you're coming from; it wasn't until very recently that I can even afford a flight home! If this is truly your dream, you'll do whatever you have to keep it going. If it's no longer your dream, that's OK too. Happiness is the most important thing, and I can honestly say that even when I was here by myself and lonely and shopping for food once a month (I hear you!), I was still happier to be here--and that's what kept me going and trying. There's no shame in finding out something just didn't work for you, but what I wish I had done more of when I *was* struggling is really appreciate the moments I was given instead of spending time worrying, which never helps anything. Keep smiling
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Thanks Michelle, I didn't know these things about you. Thanks for sharing your experience.
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Katie-hang in there! Think of all you've accomplished already-getting your British passport, moving to Florence, getting four jobs, having a circle of Italian friends. You'll make it! Money doesn't define success-you will find a way to make what you need to stay in your beloved city.
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Thanks Janie, you always give me great pep talk comments!
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Dear Katerina,
I don't know you, but enjoy reading your blog. I spent some time in Italy working on farms for room and board, was wonderful. But limiting too. I have only praises and admiriation for you! Please know this economic fallout is unprecedented in modern times. It is really bad, but will get better, eventually! The falling value of the dollar is making things tough I am sure, and limiting the Americans in Europe. Severely constricting the flow I might add. I am a mid-life laid off economist ! Maybe not what some call a success, but I am happy and secure with what I have. Many friends buy me drinks and dinner, and I enjoy it, can do so because I am older than you and did not start my career this way. But have faith, and please don't think I am writing to give you unsolicited advice. I am just writing to say I hear you, many of us are in the same boat, and it is wonderful we can share and help each other.
Again, I have immensely enjoyed reading your blog from New York City!
Lisa
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Thanks Lisa for reading my blog!! I really appreciate when people all of a sudden comment!
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All dreams require perseverance and trials, don't give up, I know it is hard and emotionally challenging, that is the yucky part. But if you can hang in there and fertilize that little seed of your dream, it CAN work. And continue to try not to beat yourself up. i am sure your friends love you and understand, as well as your parents. There is plenty of time to pay them back when you are successful.
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Thanks Christine, you are right!
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Hi Katie,
This is my first time on your blog. I hope things improve for you. I will be back to say g'day and see how you are going.
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Thanks! Nice blog you have there.
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Hi Katie, I know we don't know each other either, but I wanted to give you kudos for following your dream. I can totally understand how hard it must be, but at least you had the GUTS to follow your dream. There are a lot of people out there who say oh "i wish", "i hope", but never do anything about it. If I could move to Florence tomorrow, I would, but I have a husband and family that have no interest in that....so I live vicariously through people like you who are following their dreams.
Keep your chin up and enjoy this special gift you have given yourself. Don't give up yet...you can do it! Good luck and the next time I'm in Florence I would love to buy you a drink!
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Yeah I never wanted to be those people, I wish I did that, What if I took that risk... I hope I can keep following my dreams.
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Thanks for the preface, Katie, because there is a huge difference between complaining and venting.
I hope the rest of the year and 2010 brings you more success!
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