To surrender oneself.  In Spanish, entregarse, or entregar means to surrender oneself.  I found this word to be fascinating for me, inside the word is entre, or in Italian I see the word entrare, meaning to enter.  So putting it all together, Enter into surrendering yourself.  Let me relate to myself for a minute here.  I have been toying with the fact that I am very much not true to my feeling with myself and how I am dealing with my tesoro.  As much as I tell him everything on my mind, I still feel the doors aren't completely open.  I truly believe in opening my heart fully and letting the feeling be felt.  Because if not, I don't feel truthful to myself. 

I also went on this weekend training and felt a bit confused by the whole concept in the end.  I learned some concepts that I would like to keep but also there were some things that took my breath away in a bad way.  By the end of the weekend, I felt emotional drained because of how the last day was about persuading me to buy into a product that they were selling, that I basically did not need in my life.  I was told, I don't know what I want, I don't need my parents, I need a support system(because apparently I don't have one already).  I felt as if these people were trying to break me down and make me feel I won't have a "Great Life" without their help or there word was "playmates".  I am very much hurt by this.  Because even though most of the weekend I was enjoying myself, I felt as if I was taken for a ride of emotions that I honestly didn't need.  I know I have a support system, I have loving parents, family and I KNOW where I am going in life.  And for them to assume, only knowing us 2.5 days, that they know what is best for us, I think is bullshit!  I was told " You don't know if you need Italy in your life, how do you know Italy is the answer, and you know that these thoughts of your parents being in control of your life will always be there unless you let us help you get over that." 

WHAT THE F***!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

For all of your that have been reading my blog since 2006, I think you know that I am not about to make a mistake in moving to Italy.  I am don't have any hidden demons of my parents and family that assumes to the public that they don't love me enough to support me in this endeavor.  The basic premise was "you need us as your friends to push you farther in life".  So paying 6,000 dollars for friends basically is the answer.  Does anyone else feel a cult coming on?  A friend of mine who was there with me, said she was waiting for them to hand out the koolaid for us to drink and waiting to hear the word GOD and God wants you to do this for yourselves.  WOW I mean Wow!

I agree that some people really need this program, but others like me and people who know what they are capable of ABSOLUTELY DO NOT!  As you have noticed, I have not mentioned the program or the place, I feel that this is my opinion and if others choose to believe the concepts and way spending a shit load of money for the "tools" of life.  So be it!  I am no one to judge people who want change or need support.  If you are willing to pay $6,000 dollars, please cut in front of me because I am gone. 

I am back in the land of what is real and true.  Not what I am told of what is real and true.

Anyways to switch back to Truth and feeling that fear of the Truth.  I have been thinking a lot about how I am fearful of losing the one I love.  As much as I hate being vulnerable about him and us, I have to say to say it.  And get it out of my system.  So I can face the fear, welcome it in for tea, and then shove it out my door.  I believe that there is a reason why we are in a place a friendship.  It was supposed to happen this way because of the fact we never started out as friends.  I have a vision for us.  And I know  what needs to be done.  To find a way to feel comfortable about our relationship.  

I hope this made sense, well most of it, I just had to get this emotional weekend off my chest. 

News:

I was offered a position to be an Editor of a travel guide website, in charge of the Florence and Tuscany region.

I am still visualizing my UK passport, it is coming soon.

I am grateful for all you guys that read my blog! Thank you again and always!

I love my family and friends.

I am in love my love, Giuseppe, a million times over.

a presto amici! Grazie tanto!